You know...there were no big thunder-cloud revelations today. There was no lottery check or instant success or suddenly sparkling house (that WOULD BE a miracle). It's just a matter of relationship. In my heart, I KNOW that God is good. There is so much that comes to us in life that I can't explain. There are times in life where I understand why people ask "Why?" I am blessed to not be a "Why?" asker. It would be my undoing, I fear. I think scripture says that it rains on the just and the unjust, no?
But today I've felt hope and peace in my heart and I know where that comes from...or rather WHO that comes from. I can remember as a child singing, "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart." There was a verse that said, "I've got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart." Experiencing that peace...interestingly enough, leads to that joy. It does. I know it does because I feel that right at this very moment.
My life is not perfect. It has its challenges, to say the least. I go through the ups and downs, like any other person. But it isn't circumstances that give us peace. It has been during the most difficult struggles that God has placed that peace that passes understanding in my heart and in doing so has communicated His love to me in such an incredible way. I wish there were some way to communicate that so that each and every person who wanders through this blog could feel and experience it.
But if I can't do it, I'm not worried. God's love is so great that He WILL find the way to let you experience it, too.
He's just that good.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Hear that? No? Exactly. It's called...SILENCE.
12 years, 3 weeks, and 4 days ago, my life changed...in soooooooooooo many ways. One of my mini-me's was born that day, as you probably guessed. And NO I did not figure out the weeks and days, I found it on an automatic generator thingie-ma-bob. I'm not going to bore you with all the ways my life changed, though. Just one. I think. But sometimes I ramble so don't hold me to it.
From the get-go it was clear: Meg didn't know how to sleep and had no great interest in it. *I* happen to love sleep so much that I would claim it as a hobby if people would let me. Yes, I'm very ambitious. :) Thanks for noticing. ANYWAY, for months I fought with the fact that by 5:30 Meg was ready to start her day. Ready to babble and play and eat and all the wonderful and less-than-desirable things that babies do. Bottom line: MY day was also beginning. Forget about trying to sleep until 6 or 7. It just wasn't going to happen.
Time passed...years passed and things improved a bit. Some days she could actually sleep until 7 or SHOCKER: 7:30, but I'm telling you, people, that took years. And I'm sorry. Despite your own opinion on the matter, 7:30 is NOT considered "sleeping in" on a Saturday. Shoot, it took me a while to concede that 9 is "sleeping in."
But as I sit here blogging, both my girls are still asleep and it's 9 o'clock! That has left me nearly awe-struck, lol. Of course now apparently I'm getting old and "naturally" wake earlier, so I've been up for a while. But my house is quiet and my girls are resting...and there was no one to wrestle the computer away from! :)
Finally got their sleep pattern where I want it. Now we'll get to enjoy the challenge of waking them for school next week...oh well, that's life. But I tell you what: this school schedule better not blow things and start waking them early on Saturdays again.
That's all I'm sayin'.
From the get-go it was clear: Meg didn't know how to sleep and had no great interest in it. *I* happen to love sleep so much that I would claim it as a hobby if people would let me. Yes, I'm very ambitious. :) Thanks for noticing. ANYWAY, for months I fought with the fact that by 5:30 Meg was ready to start her day. Ready to babble and play and eat and all the wonderful and less-than-desirable things that babies do. Bottom line: MY day was also beginning. Forget about trying to sleep until 6 or 7. It just wasn't going to happen.
Time passed...years passed and things improved a bit. Some days she could actually sleep until 7 or SHOCKER: 7:30, but I'm telling you, people, that took years. And I'm sorry. Despite your own opinion on the matter, 7:30 is NOT considered "sleeping in" on a Saturday. Shoot, it took me a while to concede that 9 is "sleeping in."
But as I sit here blogging, both my girls are still asleep and it's 9 o'clock! That has left me nearly awe-struck, lol. Of course now apparently I'm getting old and "naturally" wake earlier, so I've been up for a while. But my house is quiet and my girls are resting...and there was no one to wrestle the computer away from! :)
Finally got their sleep pattern where I want it. Now we'll get to enjoy the challenge of waking them for school next week...oh well, that's life. But I tell you what: this school schedule better not blow things and start waking them early on Saturdays again.
That's all I'm sayin'.
Monday, August 9, 2010
A Breath of Fresh Air
You know how you can miss something and not even realize it until you get it back? That's how I'm feeling these days. Like I'm breathing fresh air for the first time in a long time...and didn't really realize what I'd been missing.
It has been so long since I've been excited about a coming school year. Recent years have found me dreading the school year as each day of my summer break passed. I've approached the year with a deep sigh and trudged back into the classroom. I haven't MEANT for my attitude to stink. I've just been stuck somewhere back in some place between struggle and survival. Ever been there? Not a fun place to be. And it's not a place you jump into. You slip into it one step at a time.
My journey to that place reminds me of a story in the Bible. It's one of my favorite stories because it involves my favorite of Jesus' disciples...Peter. I love Peter. He was so real. He was full of flaws (I know all the disciples were, but Peter gets told on a lot.) He lived life with gusto, too, it seems. I love the story where Jesus walks on the water and Peter asks him to call him out to walk on the water, too. Jesus calls and Peter goes! And while so many of us fault him for faltering faith that found him sinking, I like to commend him for having the faith to get out of the boat.
My journey is similar to Peter's experience. Peter started sinking because his eyes weren't focused on Christ. It's not that he wasn't WITH Christ, but his focus wasn't on Him. And with his focus off his Savior, he saw the winds and the waves and started to sink. The same thing happened to me. Over the past several years, I wasn't away from Christ, but my focus hasn't been on Him like it should. I've had my eyes on the challenges and trials and responsibilities of life and what *I* could do to face them and meet them. I slowly sank into a survivalist mode...doing just what I needed to in order to get by. Doing what I had to do to meet responsibilities but only that, nothing more.
But just like He did for Peter, Christ has come through for me. Peter cried out to the Lord and Jesus lifted him from the sea and saved him. One day, just a few months ago, I was wrapped up in a difficult ongoing situation and thinking I should have taken something to calm my stomach so I could face the difficulty when seemingly "out of the blue" came the thought that I wasn't going into the situation alone, that Christ was going with me. With that thought came complete peace. I believe with all my heart that HE was reminding me. And since that time my outlook has changed. There's excitement where there hasn't been in a very long time. There's anticipation instead of dread!
And so I'm facing this school year in a way I haven't in years. It feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn't realize what I was missing. I didn't know *I* could feel like this.
And it occurs to me: Christ gives us hope. Not just hope for eternity with Him. He gives us hope for today and tomorrow, too. My heart is thankful...and enjoying the breath of fresh air.
It has been so long since I've been excited about a coming school year. Recent years have found me dreading the school year as each day of my summer break passed. I've approached the year with a deep sigh and trudged back into the classroom. I haven't MEANT for my attitude to stink. I've just been stuck somewhere back in some place between struggle and survival. Ever been there? Not a fun place to be. And it's not a place you jump into. You slip into it one step at a time.
My journey to that place reminds me of a story in the Bible. It's one of my favorite stories because it involves my favorite of Jesus' disciples...Peter. I love Peter. He was so real. He was full of flaws (I know all the disciples were, but Peter gets told on a lot.) He lived life with gusto, too, it seems. I love the story where Jesus walks on the water and Peter asks him to call him out to walk on the water, too. Jesus calls and Peter goes! And while so many of us fault him for faltering faith that found him sinking, I like to commend him for having the faith to get out of the boat.
My journey is similar to Peter's experience. Peter started sinking because his eyes weren't focused on Christ. It's not that he wasn't WITH Christ, but his focus wasn't on Him. And with his focus off his Savior, he saw the winds and the waves and started to sink. The same thing happened to me. Over the past several years, I wasn't away from Christ, but my focus hasn't been on Him like it should. I've had my eyes on the challenges and trials and responsibilities of life and what *I* could do to face them and meet them. I slowly sank into a survivalist mode...doing just what I needed to in order to get by. Doing what I had to do to meet responsibilities but only that, nothing more.
But just like He did for Peter, Christ has come through for me. Peter cried out to the Lord and Jesus lifted him from the sea and saved him. One day, just a few months ago, I was wrapped up in a difficult ongoing situation and thinking I should have taken something to calm my stomach so I could face the difficulty when seemingly "out of the blue" came the thought that I wasn't going into the situation alone, that Christ was going with me. With that thought came complete peace. I believe with all my heart that HE was reminding me. And since that time my outlook has changed. There's excitement where there hasn't been in a very long time. There's anticipation instead of dread!
And so I'm facing this school year in a way I haven't in years. It feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn't realize what I was missing. I didn't know *I* could feel like this.
And it occurs to me: Christ gives us hope. Not just hope for eternity with Him. He gives us hope for today and tomorrow, too. My heart is thankful...and enjoying the breath of fresh air.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Trash or Treasure??
Blogging on my phone today...
You know the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure.". I'm hoping it's really true, because today is garage sale day. Ha ha. Early this morning as I sat watching people slowly drive by, eyeing all my "trash," I thought, "Ah, drat it! It's their trash, too!" Then a couple hours later, when I had melted into a sweaty little puddle and begun dreading moving all the trash back into the garage just to drag it out again tomorrow, the treasure-hunters arrived! Yay! I began wheeling and dealing like a pro! ("Pleeeeeease take it! Here! Have this too! My kids will carry it for you!)
Funny how not too long ago all these pieces of "trash" were treasures to me. What is it about us people? We see things and think, "Ohhhhhh I need that!" or "I HAVE to have that!" And we do what we need to do to get it. Time passes and we find ourselves throwing it out or selling it...whatever we need to do to get rid of it.
Confession: I have some strong packrat tendencies. Know what that means? It means that I have difficulty designating old treasures as trash. Which also translates to the fact that I'm struggling to regain some order in my house. Some people are okay with being that way but it frustrates me. I want my home to be beautiful and peaceful. I think a home reflects on the person who cares for it. Right now my home says I'm a chaotic mess...not quite the message I want to send. Not the person I am or want to be. So...it's on. I WILL conquer it.
So come on people and claim these treasures!! I've got a battle to win!
You know the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure.". I'm hoping it's really true, because today is garage sale day. Ha ha. Early this morning as I sat watching people slowly drive by, eyeing all my "trash," I thought, "Ah, drat it! It's their trash, too!" Then a couple hours later, when I had melted into a sweaty little puddle and begun dreading moving all the trash back into the garage just to drag it out again tomorrow, the treasure-hunters arrived! Yay! I began wheeling and dealing like a pro! ("Pleeeeeease take it! Here! Have this too! My kids will carry it for you!)
Funny how not too long ago all these pieces of "trash" were treasures to me. What is it about us people? We see things and think, "Ohhhhhh I need that!" or "I HAVE to have that!" And we do what we need to do to get it. Time passes and we find ourselves throwing it out or selling it...whatever we need to do to get rid of it.
Confession: I have some strong packrat tendencies. Know what that means? It means that I have difficulty designating old treasures as trash. Which also translates to the fact that I'm struggling to regain some order in my house. Some people are okay with being that way but it frustrates me. I want my home to be beautiful and peaceful. I think a home reflects on the person who cares for it. Right now my home says I'm a chaotic mess...not quite the message I want to send. Not the person I am or want to be. So...it's on. I WILL conquer it.
So come on people and claim these treasures!! I've got a battle to win!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Up From the Grave
What a triumphant thing, Christ's resurrection. Hope for eternity! Sin was defeated and Christ lives!
I don't make light of that at all, but I'm going to share my thoughts...which wandered to the silly. NOT silly about Christ. Silly about words.
When I thought "Up from the Grave," (of course it was set to the hymn's melody in my head but I don't know how to make the little music notes so we'll go with plain text)...when I thought those words, my mind grabbed at the irony. The concept of someone coming up from a grave USUALLY is spooky or creepy, isn't it? The ONLY time it doesn't strike me as scary is when it's in reference to Jesus. And then there's this wonder and awe and bursting hope.
But back to the spooky version.... Anytime someone very near and dear to me passes away, I dream about their funeral and they ALWAYS sit up in their caskets. It ALWAYS scares the bejeebers out of me! NO MORE UPPY!!!...not in my dreams anyway. Yikes.
And now back to the good "up from the grave,".... I cannot imagine the grief and utter desolation Christ's followers must have felt, having watched him die such a brutal death on the cross. I can't imagine their confusion, their Messiah gone when they had to have felt things were just getting started. But He was gone and how their hearts must have broken.
I also couldn't begin to imagine their joy when they went to His grave so early Easter morning and found that their Messiah wasn't "gone" gone...but was risen and alive and triumphant over the grave.
Can you imagine?? I think of something I can really relate to...like when my dad passed away. The next day I was on a plane, full of grief, and on my way to my parents' home for all the funeral proceedings. If I'd walked into the house and Dad had been there to hug me again and to tell me that he'd defeated cancer and was alive and well, I can't imagine how delighted I would have been.
It had to have been similar for those who went to Jesus' grave, don't you think?
INCREDIBLE.
It's my prayer that the same Jesus who defeated sin and the grave will fill each of your hearts this Easter season and give you hope for this life and for eternity.
Love,
Hill
I don't make light of that at all, but I'm going to share my thoughts...which wandered to the silly. NOT silly about Christ. Silly about words.
When I thought "Up from the Grave," (of course it was set to the hymn's melody in my head but I don't know how to make the little music notes so we'll go with plain text)...when I thought those words, my mind grabbed at the irony. The concept of someone coming up from a grave USUALLY is spooky or creepy, isn't it? The ONLY time it doesn't strike me as scary is when it's in reference to Jesus. And then there's this wonder and awe and bursting hope.
But back to the spooky version.... Anytime someone very near and dear to me passes away, I dream about their funeral and they ALWAYS sit up in their caskets. It ALWAYS scares the bejeebers out of me! NO MORE UPPY!!!...not in my dreams anyway. Yikes.
And now back to the good "up from the grave,".... I cannot imagine the grief and utter desolation Christ's followers must have felt, having watched him die such a brutal death on the cross. I can't imagine their confusion, their Messiah gone when they had to have felt things were just getting started. But He was gone and how their hearts must have broken.
I also couldn't begin to imagine their joy when they went to His grave so early Easter morning and found that their Messiah wasn't "gone" gone...but was risen and alive and triumphant over the grave.
Can you imagine?? I think of something I can really relate to...like when my dad passed away. The next day I was on a plane, full of grief, and on my way to my parents' home for all the funeral proceedings. If I'd walked into the house and Dad had been there to hug me again and to tell me that he'd defeated cancer and was alive and well, I can't imagine how delighted I would have been.
It had to have been similar for those who went to Jesus' grave, don't you think?
INCREDIBLE.
It's my prayer that the same Jesus who defeated sin and the grave will fill each of your hearts this Easter season and give you hope for this life and for eternity.
Love,
Hill
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Harry Potter, That Age, and Vision
Somewhere around nine years ago I had long hair. I also had a two year old and a new baby. The hair became a nuisance and I decided it was time to get it cut. So I went in to the hair dresser and had her work her magic. I walked out of the salon with that GLORIOUS I-just-got-my-hair-drastically-cut-and-feel-so-fresh-and-chic feeling. You know the one I'm talking about. ...unless you're a man, in which case, I'd guess I just lost you. Well...farewell then. On with the story....
The next stop in my day was the pharmacy. As I was leaving the pharmacist's window, an elderly man, with a smile that can only be described as mischievous, said to me, "Hi Harry!" Confused, I just looked at him. Not missing a beat, he clarified, "Harry Potter...just forgot your glasses, right?" I couldn't help but laugh and walk away.
Talk about bursting a woman's bubble. RIGHT after a brand new haircut...being mistaken for an adolescent boy. Dang it.
Sadly, I have a history of similar incidents.
In grade school I got my haircut really short and my dad called me, "Scott." (Reference to Scott Baio.) Just what I wanted to be...a teenage boy heartthrob.
Same haircut, walking through the grocery store...produce aisle if anyone cares...I overheard two elderly ladies talking about me (obvious by the staring). "He looks like Albert on Little House on the Prairie!"
Those were the glory years.
Back to the Harry Potter story. Fast forward about three years and I'm sitting at the opthalmologists's office. I'd had a change in my vision, but apparently it wasn't significant enough to require glasses. The doctor's explanation? "You're getting to 'that age.'" I SO wanted to say, "We're not talking about my mother here, ya know." But I didn't.
Well, bad news. The transformation is complete. I AM Harry Potter. And I have reached "That Age."
Let's hope I use my powers for good.
The next stop in my day was the pharmacy. As I was leaving the pharmacist's window, an elderly man, with a smile that can only be described as mischievous, said to me, "Hi Harry!" Confused, I just looked at him. Not missing a beat, he clarified, "Harry Potter...just forgot your glasses, right?" I couldn't help but laugh and walk away.
Talk about bursting a woman's bubble. RIGHT after a brand new haircut...being mistaken for an adolescent boy. Dang it.
Sadly, I have a history of similar incidents.
In grade school I got my haircut really short and my dad called me, "Scott." (Reference to Scott Baio.) Just what I wanted to be...a teenage boy heartthrob.
Same haircut, walking through the grocery store...produce aisle if anyone cares...I overheard two elderly ladies talking about me (obvious by the staring). "He looks like Albert on Little House on the Prairie!"
Those were the glory years.
Back to the Harry Potter story. Fast forward about three years and I'm sitting at the opthalmologists's office. I'd had a change in my vision, but apparently it wasn't significant enough to require glasses. The doctor's explanation? "You're getting to 'that age.'" I SO wanted to say, "We're not talking about my mother here, ya know." But I didn't.
Well, bad news. The transformation is complete. I AM Harry Potter. And I have reached "That Age."
Let's hope I use my powers for good.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Farewell 2009...a Reflection
Stolen from Sunshine's blog...
Rode on the back of a chiropractor's Harley.
Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
If I made a resolution, I can't remember it. I don't think I made one.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes.
Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, thankfully.
What countries did you visit?
No visiting this year...oh wait. I went to New Jersey/New York with Guy. But that's not another country, is it?
What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Love for a lifetime. Is that greedy?
What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 1. My wee lil ol' heart broke.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't know if I "achieved" anything big this year. I started dating again, but don't know if that counts as an achievement, per se.
What was your biggest failure?
I don't know. (Aren't I being informative?)
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Oh I had a GREAT stomach virus in November.
What was the best thing you bought?
A little black dress.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'd deserve an award for pointing fingers and naming names here, wouldn't I??
Where did most of your money go?
Credit card bills...which actually shows that the question about whose behavior made you appalled and depressed should have answered "mine." Ugh, if only I could get out of debt!
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Dating again.
Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
a. At the moment, it's a draw.
b. Same.
c. Again, same.
What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing. And devotional time. And cleaning.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinating.
How did you spend Christmas?
With my girls and mom.
Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes...maybe too quickly???
What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I try really hard not to hate anyone. But there IS one new "difficult person" on my list.
What was the best book you read?
I don't think there was a single book that left me wishing for more...unless I read a new Lori Wick book. She always rocks. Wait...let me go peek because I think she had a new one this year.... Oh great. Can't find it, but googled and found she's had one out since March that I haven't read! Well, now I have something on my wish list, lol.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Josh Turner...you didn't know I discovered him, did you?
What did you want and get?
Help. My mom came to stay with us and help me with my girls.
What did you want and not get?
Committed Looooooooooooooooove
I try really hard not to hate anyone. But there IS one new "difficult person" on my list.
What was the best book you read?
I don't think there was a single book that left me wishing for more...unless I read a new Lori Wick book. She always rocks. Wait...let me go peek because I think she had a new one this year.... Oh great. Can't find it, but googled and found she's had one out since March that I haven't read! Well, now I have something on my wish list, lol.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Josh Turner...you didn't know I discovered him, did you?
What did you want and get?
Help. My mom came to stay with us and help me with my girls.
What did you want and not get?
Committed Looooooooooooooooove
What was your favorite film of this year?
Was Mama Mia this year? Because I looooooooooooooooove it. No? How about All About Steve?
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I don't recall. You know...they say that memory's the first thing to go.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Dreams come true?? Answers??
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Folks don't usually use the word fashion and Hillary in the same sentence. In fact, it's so foreign to me that I don't even know how to BEGIN to answer this question. I just try to keep the important stuff covered. :D Yes I just said that.
What kept you sane?
Who says I'm still sane?
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Greg Page. Always.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmmmmm....could it be the newly elected Obama and his "health bill?"
Who did you miss?
Dad
Who was the best new person you met?
Lyla. I got to hold her for like...an hour...when she was only a day old. ::siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh::
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Maybe I learned that one shouldn't trust too quickly. It doesn't hurt for people to prove themselves. And it's not like I suffered a real betrayal, per se. But I jump into everything with both feet (and my heart) and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. That can really lead to hurt sometimes.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life's been showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?"
Happy 2010!
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