Oh NO She Di'n't!!

Unbelievable.

Today I went to get my eyebrows done. I do it occasionally...like when I really can't deal with them anymore and figure IT'S TIME. So I trotted off toward the salon I go to. It was....closed, from all appearances...with a sign that said "by appointment only" and gave one lady's name and number for nails and another's for hair. Times are hard, no?

Anyway, so I drive around the relatively close area finding little salons, calling their number and asking their pricing. One place said $14. I thought, "Uhh, no." My old place was cheaper. So I call the next place I come to. He says, "$7 per eyebrow." WHAT!?? I thought I was mistaken in hearing him, so I reiterated, "$7 PER EYEBROW?" and he assured me that was what he'd said. WHO PRICES BY THE BROW?? If I were to go in with a unibrow would it be cheaper than taking my two brows in for some sprucing up? (No I have NEVER had a uni.)

On to the next place because ... well ... $7+$7=$14 AND pricing by the brow is odd. Next one was closed. So then I remember one about two blocks from my house and I head that way. I call their number and she tells me "$7." I refused to ask if it was priced by the brow and went in anyway. It was NOT priced by the brow. It was $7 no matter how many brows you had. Encouraging!

I walk in the door at the same time a little girl around 9 or 10 walked in. She was the daughter of one of the ladies working there. She stared at me...and stared...and stared. I spoke to her a couple times and she'd answer then continue to stare. Oooookay. In the back of my mind I began wondering if she went to school where I teach. FINALLY out came the question, "Are you a teacher?" And there it is. Yes. And she goes to the school. Mystery solved. And now she's my shadow...other than when her mother was shooing her away. lol

Now HERE comes my indignant "Oh NO she di'n't!" You know how in a salon (or any other business) the workers try to make suggestive sales. Not suggestive as in inappropriate "You are such a hottie - nice curves" suggestive, but as in, "Would you like a hot fudge sundae with that?" suggestive. Now, in a salon you expect to hear, "How about a pedicure?" or "Would you like to add some nail art today?" Not shockers. And I have no problem with them ... when I have some will power to resist, anyway.

But today was different. This sweet little lady who's ripping the hair out of my brow as I try not to flinch and remain "serene," suddenly asks me, "Would you like to have your LIP done today, too, or just the eyebrows?" I calmly answered, "No, just the eyebrows, please." I WANTED to say, "Who the heck do I look like, TOM FLIPPIN' SELLECK??!"

Yeah. She went there. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go examine my lip a bit more closely.

Just a Chuckle from Al-Gal

This will be brief, but it gave me the giggles and I decided I needed to write it down...and this is the place I decided to write it!

Today was a cleaning day at our house. Don't ask me why it's worse than when we started. It won't help my mood. However, something that DID help the mood was a brief moment with Al when I tucked her in tonight.

I had said something, and I can't remember what, but she made the comment that she'd "picked up all the candy." And sure enough, there was her EASTER BASKET full of candy sitting near her bed. I laughed and said something about it being almost a whole year old. Then she laughed too and said something about there being some valentine's candy in it, too. And then out of pure silliness she said, "And there was a million bucks in there. I just threw it away."

So joining her goofiness, I replied, "Yeah, we don't want any old money laying around."

(And here comes her reply that triggered our fit of giggles.) "Yeah, it was SO last year."

See? Wasn't much, but a bit of silliness.

Loooooooooooooooooove my silly girls.

100 Things

My friend, Sunshine, over at So What Was I Saying? , has a list of 100 things you've done.

Following her lead, the things **I** have done are italicized.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars (does it count if I was inside a tent?)
3. Played in a band. (Ok, so it was a marching band, so???)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain--climbed on a mountain...
9. Held a praying mantis What are you? Crazy?
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. I don't do the whole "ocean thing."
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch--does knitting count?
15. Adopted a child no, but my parents fostered newborns when I was still at home
16. Had food poisoning don't know if it's food poisoning but I've eaten some "bad" food before and gotten pretty sick.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked--are you crazy?
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill...it's called a MENTAL HEALTH DAY
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb--I THINK so. I've DEFINITELY held a baby goat...
26. Gone skinny dipping no, but I'm skinny and I have definitely gone swimming
27. Run a Marathon--Is 10 miles close enough?
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice too scary...and never been to Italy
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset--Florida/beach and Malawi/Africa...
31. Hit a home run no but I have RUN all the way HOME so my mom would flick an ant off my thumb, does that count?
32. Been on a cruise I ... DON'T ... DO ... THE ... OCEAN ... THING...
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person No, but I've seen Victoria Falls...BREATHTAKING
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors--Mom drove me past the little house she lived in when she was a baby in Arkansas...is that the same?...
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language--freshman in college, goose latin...myby nybame ybis Hybillybaryby
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied Satisfied, yes, but limited enough to still worry about making ends meet. The satisfaction's not linked to the money.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person Nope, but I've FELT like the Leaning Tower of Pisa in my person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa - lived in Malawi for 2+ years, visited Zambia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, and South Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing I ... DON'T ... DO ... THE ... OCEAN ... THING...
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris nope, but I've been to the bottom of it
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling I ... DON'T ... DO ... THE ... OCEAN ... THING...
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater--AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! JAWS!!!
55. Been in a movie Of course, don't you recognize me??
56. Visited the Great Wall of China No, but I've seen footage of Greg there. Close enough. lol
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies Mmmmm, Thin Mints and Tagalongs
62. Gone whale watching Here we go again...I ... DON'T ... DO ... THE ... OCEAN ... THING...
63. Gotten flowers for no reason There's ALWAYS a reason, like being so dog-gone great, lol.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma Ummm, yes, but only to myself. I have to check because there used to be rules about not donating after you've been to Africa. I don't know if that has changed but I've clung to it as an excuse. I'm so bad.
65. Gone sky diving I ... DON'T ... DO ... THE ... oh, wait, ...nevermind...
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check/cheque Yes, and the bank and I had a very...stimulating conversation, lol.
69. Saved a childhood toy--my Pooh bear who I've had since I was four...and way too many other things.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square No, but I've played Four Square.
74. Toured the Everglades What's to tour? I had an alligator living in the pond outside my patio in my old condo. Close enough.
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London No, but I've seen the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in D.C.
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle Well, does it count if I never got out of first gear?
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book--I have a dreeeeam...
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible--significant portions, but no, not the whole thing
86. Visited the White House Just saw the outside a few times, never went in.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. I plead the fifth.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous ::siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh::
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one--My dad, my bio dad, all my grandparents, a couple aunts and uncles
94. Had a baby - two
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Been to the Panama Canal.

Now it's Your turn...if you haven't yet!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I teach kindergarten. But most of you guys know that...if not all, seeing as how it doesn't appear that I've got an ever expanding readership. lol Is that a word? Of course it would help if I'd manage to get over to other blogs and you know...read others. I'm so bad. Forgive me guys! I will get to your blogs. I enjoy them when I get there, but I am the queen of procrastination. (Sheesh, I started to type "the cream of procrastination.") ANYWAY... What was I saying? Oh yes, I'll get back out there and reading. I WILL!

On Monday of this week I was beginning a math lesson. I always use my document camera (which is basically like an opaque projector...lay a paper down on the cart, the camera "sees" it...the camera is connected to a regular projector which shines it on the board.) Anyway, I walked up to the board to pull down the screen on which I shine the projected material. Now, I have the nice new shiny shiny projector that is ultra cool. But the screen I use is older than I am. And it behaves much the same as those roll down blinds we all used to have on our windows as kids. You know the ones. You pull it down and unless you get it just right it will fly right back up to the top. Over and over, sometimes. For months I've battled with this screen. For months it was my exercise program. Instead of touching my toes, I stood up, bent down, stood up, bent down, etc., multiple times (like 20ish) before it would catch. Then, among the minor miracles of Christmas, sometime in December I started getting it on the first try almost every single time. And when I didn't get it the first time, I'd get it in two to three, tops. Well, Christmas is over. SO over...maybe not in my heart....and maybe not in my living room...but it's definitely over where my screen is concerned. Monday I tried to pull the thing down. Up it went. Down again. Up it went. Repeat about 20 times. Listen to the giggles of the kids who think it's hilarious. Of course it's probably because they're laughing at my hair flying up and down every time I bend and straighten. But whatever. FINALLY, on the 67th try, it stays down. Before I could heave a sigh of relief, out of the relative quiet comes the sweetest little voice, FILLED with his own relief, "THANK YOU, JESUS!!" I laughed so hard. Now I take my Jesus very seriously and it really and truly sounded like a prayer, but it was soooo adorable and came from the cutest and quietest little guy.

It was priceless.

Kraaken and Rip Offs

I've got a couple things on the agenda today. We'll start out with a true story and we'll end with a bit of a complaint. Sounds like a fun day, doesn't it? I know, I know, complaining isn't normally "the thing to do," but I think you'll like it. It involves George Clooney. So keep reading, would ya?

Alrighty, let's begin with the true story.

If you've read here much at all, you've heard me mention my good friend, Kristen. I THINK I referred to her as my enabler for something, but I can't remember now what I was blaming her for. I'm sure it will come to me later. Well I'm NOT really that sure. We're talking about my memory after all. But whatever. She's a wonderful friend who (in our imaginations) lives just around the corner. Nevermind the fact our addresses contain "Florida" and "Texas." That's all just a state of mind. Okay that was stupid. FOCUS, Hill.

Well, two summers ago...that would be the summer of 2007...(see how quick I did that math???)...she and her hubby and four daughters came to visit and we spent a week or so together. Kristen will remember how long. Details get fuzzy for me...just like my jaws, dang it. Ok, nevermind that. It's what Nair is for. Anywho, we spent a few days at our house in Cape Coral, hit the local water park, the Shell Factory, and ummmmm, heck, I can't remember now...the beach? Surely the beach was in there. Oh yes! The beach. K and her fam all went out on the waverunner like maniacs. Insane. Did they NOT notice the ocean beneath them? Thanks for the freak out, people. I owe you.

After some days of fun in the sun, we allllllll headed up to Orlando. We shared a condo, did a bit of evening swimming, and hit SeaWorld. Now, I could go into a whole lot of mini stories...if I only had a brain...but seeing as how I'm focus-challenged this evening I'm going to go ahead and zero right in on our little ride on Kraaken. I'm going to totally leave out the part about Steve (that would be K's hubby) running out of gas on their way to the airport because he had it all under control and knew just how far he could make it on that tank. Not even going to bring that part up, because if I did, I'd roll off the couch laughing hysterically and I've got a blog to write!

Ok, it was just Kristen and me waiting in line to ride Kraaken. Steve got his brains squished years ago and can't ride roller coasters anymore so he kept the kids in kiddie playland while K and I went and hit the big rollercoaster. (Is that a compound word? I apparently can't decide.) Now if I'm not mistaken (and there's a good chance I AM) Kraaken is a legendary sea monster. THAT should have warned me it was not a good idea. I KNOW the sea/ocean is evil. I KNOW it is not my friend. I KNOW because of the awful panic that ensues at the thought of riding a large ship, seeing a submarine movie, contemplating riding a wave runner. It's what the nerds (yes, that's me) call Thalassaphobia. Sounds even worse, doesn't it. Kristen should have known better, too. Because she's thalassaphobic, too. Only she's crazier than me because she watches shark documentaries addictively. WHO DOES THAT??? Hmmm, I'm afraid of the dark. Let's turn off the lights!! lol

Ok, so we should have known better, but we waited in the mongo sized line. And we waited. And we waited. And we waited. And THEN............we waited. But FINALLY we made it up into the sweltering, stifling heat and humidity of the little house where you go into yet MORE lines where there's no breeze and we waited some more. Because that's the way it works. I guess if you're not tough enough to wait it out, you shouldn't be on the ride anyway. Kind of weeds out the wimps. But I'm no wimp, and neither is K, so wait we did. The lady right behind us was riding alone. Her husband refused to come with her. Now we know that HE was the smart one. (Sense any foreshadowing here???) And now FINALLY (for real) it was our turn. We got on the ride and by "luck of the draw" I got the seat that they reserve for "oversized adults." Meaning Kristen and I could have shared it comfortably. But it only had one belt so I was stuck flying solo in it. VERY VERY fortunately, the worker boy came over and cinched up the harnesses...and cinched...and cinched. Finally I was in there nice and snug. Down came the shoulder thingiemabobbers and the ride began. I don't remember what we talked about as the ride started, but I'm sure we were gabbing because that's what we do. I KNOW that Kristen was laughing herself silly that I was in the extra large chair. What were the chances that Queen of the Toothpick Arm People would get the big chair? Anyway, the ride took off, we went upside down, twisted every which way, vrooming all over the place kamakazi style ... and at the speed of...well, not light ... and not sound .... but dang, it was FAST. And fun. For a while. We're flying along and getting ready to head into the final stretch at... however many miles per hour they make those things go, suffice it to say we were at top speed. And then. INSTANTANEOUSLY we were completely stopped. There was no slow down. It was like...one heartbeat at 100mph, the next heartbeat completely still. It happened too fast to be scared. It was one of THE most hilarious moments of my life. Do you know what it looks like when you stop that fast? It's a hilarious sight. Hilarious isn't really a strong enough word. It was just too funny. When you stop that fast you know why you were given a good snug harness and good strong over-the-shoulder thingiemabobbers. But you know what? Your arms and your legs....they don't have anything but your tendons and muscles and skin holding onto them. So you know what happens. Your arms and legs shoot straight out in front of you....at the very same moment as everyone else's do. It's like ... synchronized swimming. BOING! I could see everyone in my peripheral. Arms and legs sticking straight out ahead...and seeming to suspend in midair a few seconds before they all dropped. So hilarious. I looked for a photo but I couldn't find one. I suppose no one had their camera ready. Imagine that.

We sat there for a minute or so when a HIGHLY trained employee came on the intercom. She asked us to wave if we could hear her voice. We waved. She then informed us that they were having some technical problems. That was a major shock to all of us who'd just become part of a slapstick movie where we have no control of our limbs. But to give her some credit, I guess you have to start SOMEwhere. She then informed us that we were waiting for maintenance and that they were coming "to rescue" us. Yep, she said we were going to be rescued. Didn't instill a lot of calm really. I can't remember all she said, but her vocabulary was not the type to put the precarious people at ease. So we were back to waiting. We could see below us, past our now dangling legs. We lost count of how many golf carts of "maintenance" people went past...going AWAY from Kraaken. Kristen tried to help. She screamed, "MAINTENANCE!" so many times I'm surprised she didn't lose her voice...which only made me laugh hysterically. I was really enjoying the experience...even the panic-inducing lady on the intercom cracked me up. It was just...surreal. Well, after who knows HOW long, the lady came back on the intercom and informed us that in a moment we were going to begin moving...I guess so we wouldn't panic, lol. Now THIS is the part of the story where I start to feel some concern. You see, there wasn't just one train of cars on the rollercoaster. There were two. We could see the other train. They were technically behind us on the ride, but because of all the curves we could clearly see them ahead and to our right. Now the ride went so fast that we have no idea how many curves and loops are between us and our followers. But the intercom lady said we were going to start moving. So we waited for it. And waited for it. Then EVERYONE on OUR train notices that the OTHER one is moving. We were NOT. So, I guess I figured it was time for a little public service announcement and so I called out, "OK, PEOPLE! GET READY FOR A LITTLE JOLT!!" It was a wonderful moment for me. When will I EVER get to use that line again. It was swwwweet! lol

And a moment later we began to move. And if I recall there was a bit of applause from those of us who wanted out of the way of the train that was closing in on us, lol.

We got off the ride. No injuries. Just a good story to tell. So really...it was a good experience, right? And NO, I do NOT want to ride another rollercoaster. But thank you for asking.

Ok, end of true story. Now it's time to complain.

I'll make this as brief as I can. Think "Facebook." I don't know about the rest of you, but I GUESS because I am listed as single, I get ads in the side pane for every singles website on the net. I ignore them. Even the ones that advertise millionaire singles. I'm thinking...why on earth does a millionaire have to resort to a singles ad?? I mean, seriously. Anyway, that's not the complaint. I know, I promised you George Clooney, and I'm getting to him. All these singles ads come up on my facebook. And I canNOT count the times that some singles website ad comes up with George Clooney's face! I mean, seriously? Am I supposed to believe that if I sign up with them, I'm going to get a date with George Clooney? Does George REALLY need a singles website to find someone? Really? I just have a little word of advice for web advertisers. Single does not necessarily mean GULLIBLE. There's a difference. I don't care if I DID buy beachfront property in Arizona. Clooney is NOT on your site! Quit trying to rip me off!

That's all for today. Except a word of advice: next time you ride a 'coaster, DO buckle up. Oh! And if a singles site promises Clooney...It's probably Rosemary.

Junior High All Over Again

So for Christmas this year, the "biggie" gift the girls got were their roller blades. Yes, yes, I know they're "inline skates" but I refuse to call them that. I don't know why. Guess we pick our battles and that one happens to appeal to me. LOL

Since the day they got their skates (Dec. 28, because that's when they got back from their dad's) we skated every day except for Sunday and Monday (yesterday.) Both were busy days getting back in the swing of things so there just wasn't time for skating. Well, if any of you could ever see me in motion, withOUT wheels, you would realize there's a very good reason my mother didn't name me Grace. Add wheels and you've pretty much got a traveling circus act. I'm comfy on them, but I'm just not graceful. For that matter, it would be hard for ANYone to be graceful on the bumpy surfaces we have to go over before we get to some smoothe places to skate on, but that's beside the point. When I'm out with my girls, I don't care much what I look like. People drive by and smile at us because it's "cute" to see two little girls who've gotten their mama out on wheels with them. So I don't feel self-conscious. No problemo.

Today is Tuesday, which means that after school the girls went to their dad's house for the afternoon. Well, I've decided that skating is a good way for me to be getting some exercise. I enjoy it and it's much better than me thinking of jogging. I ran in high school and it's just too much wear and tear on the joints. But I like skating and it's really hard for me to find something I enjoy doing...exercise-wise. (Give me a good book or my computer and a sofa and I'm easy to please...but it doesn't do much for the body, lol.) So today I got home, messed on the computer a little while and fought of the temptation to skip or at least put off skating and I got up and headed out. I was lookin' gooooood. Pink shirt, brown shorts, knee pads, and a blue helmet. I was a veritable rainbow. Add my fine moves and I'm sure it was a sight to see.

Well, all of this is just background info, so I hope you're still hangin' with me. I'm getting to the point of all this. I got about a block from my house, on very bumpy road, so there is NOTHING smoothe about any move I make. Those little wheels stop dead on a pebble-size bump and that throws my body forward and I look like Bambi on ice. But I do NOT go down...and that's all I care about. Or is it? See...confident mama who's not worried about what people think when she's out skating with her kids...didn't have her kids and apparently that means she didn't have her confidence either...at least not all of it. Because just as I get to that block away from my house and I round the corner, just one house away I see a school bus stopping. Now if it were elementary I wouldn't care, because most of them really don't care if you look like Bambi on ice. But nooooooo. It weren't no elementary bus. Nope, it was *insert some serious scary music* a JUNIOR HIGH bus. Oh dang. My brain begins scrambling for a place to hide. Please don't let the kids see me. They'll think I'm so un-cool! I'm feeling a bit of panic. Then I realize it's too late anyway so I've got to go with acting like I don't even notice the kids getting off the bus, right? Meanwhile my brain is back in junior high mode. It's plotting comebacks to throw at the kids when they make their snide remarks and I'm ready for battle. Only my way of battle, since I'm all grown up, is to not really fight it anyway but to maybe beat them to the punch line. Or say something really smoothe, like "I know...you guys only WISH you were wearing this helmet." Yeah, I'm no cooler than I was in junior high, lol. How can the junior high bus do that to a 37-year-old?? HOW, I ASK YOU!?? HOW!? And that's not the end of this sad tale. As the kids walked away from the bus and began heading home, I heard giggling. I just KNEW it was about me. Seriously. Mean kids. lol

So I finish my skate, got some good exercise, too. As I got back into my drive way I began pulling off the gear and realized just what an important part of my whole ensemble my knee pads were. No, I didn't wipe out. But as I looked down and began to reach for the velcro I realized how nicely they accentuated the gelatinous state of my thighs. Yeah, it was an enlightened moment. Now I've GOT to keep skating...burn away the gelatin. lol Somehow I don't think the two pieces of pizza and the four swiss cake rolls I just ate are going to be overly helpful with that. Hmmm....

Yay I finally got it started!

It's official. I got my first old ditty up on the new blog. And that's all I have to say tonight because I want sleep...and lots of it.

Here's the link to the launching (humble as it may be) of Doo-Wah-Ditty-Ditty-Mum-Ditty-Doo.

And tomorrow...or the next day, we're going to discuss what we'll refer to as "A child's curiosity in the wonder of reproduction." Brace yourselves.

Coming Soon!!

Happy New Year to all my bloggie buddies! (That means YOU.)

This morning I got an idea that is really exciting! At least it is very exciting FOR ME. I am starting a new blog! I'm not going to discontinue this one. This is just MY blog. It's about me and my life and, well, general insanity and sweet moments and so on. So it will go on as long as my general insanity does, I suppose. We're talking serious longevity here, folks.

So what's with the new blog? I decided it would be really cool (for me) to get the hundreds of ditties I've written in the last 6+ years and put them in a blog. If I tried adding one a day...all bloggie style...it would take a few years, so I'm guessing there will be days with several ditties...and those stinky busy days when I can't add any at all. I just had so much fun writing them and still get some chuckles reading them, so I want to get them all together in one place if I can. I'm hoping to get them all printed out and physically put together, too. We'll see how that goes.

Now I've got to think of a name for the new blog. You're welcome to make suggestions. However, I might get my idea before anyone even sees this blog, so don't be offended if I don't take the suggestion. I kind of get a bee in my bonnet at times and just go for it. There isn't a lot of "sit and simmer" as a rule for me. lol Oh wait! I think I've got it! How about: Doo-Wah-Ditty-Ditty-Mum-Ditty-Do. Yes, I think that'll do nicely.

Off to create...........

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a link! Nothing much there yet...looking for a cooool layout first, but we DO have the link, lol.