Top O' the Marnin' to Ye, Lassie!

Happy St. Patty's Day to all and to all a good night...or something like that.

I'm not the biggest St. Pat's fan alive. I have a real aversion for pinching (let's not go into THAT childhood memory, k?) and so I am always on a mission to splatter green on every forgetful soul to spare them the pinch that would otherwise come.

But today we had us some goooood fun in kindergarten. My neighboring teacher told the kids how every year a leprechaun comes and messes up her classroom. I told my kids he had never found my room yet. Then while they were at lunch, I overturned chairs, threw papers up in the air, rolled approximately a zillion glue sticks across the floor, and dumped rubber bugs all over the tables, etc., etc., ending with a litte note from the leprechaun.

The kids went berserk! They were SO loud, going on and on about the crazy leprechaun (with the occasional coming grinning to me to ask if I'd really done it.) I wouldn't fess up. After we pitched in and cleaned we headed out to the soccer field behind the school to see if we could find the leprechaun. But first we glued some gold glitter on our hands to try to tempt him out of hiding. We ran all over the place, following footprints the kids claimed to see and yelling, "GET HIM!!!!!" It was hilarious good fun. At one point we plopped down in a patch of clover and hunted some more. A few seconds into the clover a little girl pulled out a little army man and yelled, "THE LEPRECHAUN!!!" lol

They were so much fun.

Here are just a couple pics of all the naughtiness the leprechaun caused..and a bit of our glittery bait.

Not "Blogging" per se...just an update to my gals...

Hi girls...this isn't really bloggy, but wanted to let you all know that I had the ultrasound today and they said that I have a cyst, but that it's normal and may grow or shrink with hormone levels but is not a concern at all.

Thanks for all your support while I was waiting between doctors visits, "the mamm," and the ultrasound. :)

Destroying the Myth

'Tis I, Hill the MythBuster! (I thought I'd go a little 80s on ya and go with "buster" instead of "destroyer," because it sooooooooooooo matters.

Men...if there are any of you out there...this one probably isn't one for you. If you proceed, it's your own fault. I'm going a bit TMI again, because mainly my friends read here and y'all need to be unscaredy-cat of mammograms if you've never had one. So really, guys, I'd appreciate if you'd just skip over this one. K?

Today I'm going to share my experience of "the mammogram" with y'all, because, quite frankly, the unknown freaked me out unnecessarily. So now, without further adieu...

I was nervous about the mammogram. I've never heard much beyond negatives and no one had ever told me much about what goes on...at least not enough to have an accurate picture so there was an unknown. For example I had this idea they smashed your boob against your chest. I worried about a fractured rib. lol Ok, probably not so much but I know that even when I do a self check I feel every rib...and that's at the fullest portion. (And I DO use "fullest" a bit freely) I was nervous although making myself just chill.

However, I sat in the tiny changing room with nothing but a full length mirror to look at (while sporting such a snazzy "hospital" cape. Yep, CAPE, not gown, so they can flip that baby out of the way. I nearly felt like a superhero. A superhero facing her kryptonite, but a superhero none the less.) and I noticed my face was really red. I rarely get much color in my face. Not that I'm a ghost (BOO!), but I just don't get too rosy. I was pretty red. Two days before I'd been at the doc and my blood pressure was 119 over 90-something. The 90-something was not good. My bottom number is ALWAYS in the 60s so obviously there was some real stress happening. I figured as I watched my flushed face that my blood pressure was up again. Although, the day in between appointments I got it checked and it was back down to 119/65. That's about my norm. So I know it's circumstantial.

Anyway. They told me that if you feel a lump, they automatically send you to get a mammogram AND an ultrasound. My script was just for a mammogram. So they said that I'd get the results from the mammogram by the following Wed. and I should call my doc, ask if he had the results, and tell him I need the script for an ultrasound. It's automatic BUT you have to have written doctor's orders. She (the mammo-girl) told me my results would say I needed an ultrasound and not to freak out, because it was standard protocol since I'd felt a lump.

As for the mammogram itself, for those of you who are dreading getting your first someday... It was not painful at all for me. It was a tad uncomfortable...plenty of pressure...but they add the pressure gradually until it's to the appropriate compression, then you hold your breath and hold still while they duck for cover from the radiation, I guess, and they snap the photo. I THINK it's actually a porn lab, but we won't tell them until they do the ultrasound.

In my mind it was supposed to be pretty painful and something that happened fast and hard, but it was not that way at all. All-in-all I'd describe it as pretty gentle. Firm, absolutely, but it was gentle and not like some awful attack, lol. So if you haven't had one yet, don't go in with your blood pressure soaring over the unknown. Just be weirded out that you're going to put your boob on a table and let them start squeezing it like an orange they're trying to juice with a vice...from top to bottom and then again from both sides. That's just not right. Necessary maybe, but not right.

After I left the place I went home, cleaned out my car, including vacuuming for the first time in months (literally)...and that was a big job. You'd be appalled at my car if you ever saw it. And then I went and took almost all the toys out of Megan and Alli's room (they're sharing one now to make room for my mom who is coming to live with us) and then I took apart Megan's bed and moved it, put it back together and moved other furniture. I haven't done that much work on one day in months. And I went to the store! lol Apparently the blood pressure and relief from boob anxiety makes a bit of a housekeeper out of me. There is hope!

Now see? Does that sound all that bad? lol I'd been led to believe it felt like an automatic garage door shutting on you. In comparison it was really quite a treat. ;)

So what are you waiting for? Go get yours today! lol

Well, well, well

It is high time I got myself back over here. I don't know WHY I stay away from a place I enjoy so much. It's that blasted facebook and my lack of discipline. I just love the instant connection of facebook. And here, it is delayed connection. But I love blogland. I do. So here I sit.

Lots and lots going on in my head and in my life right now, although I don't think a lot of it is blog-worthy...or maybe just not blog-ready. One day soon I'll get back in here and get some fun blogging going. I could grace you with stories of my first date ever. Or how about a little story about a guy named George. Believe me, dangling these topics is probably more interesting than the actual incidents but I'll try to spruce them up a bit in the telling.

Things are looking good for Meg to go to the little Christian Academy I went and visited. In fact it's looking like it MIGHT be possible to put Allison in there, too. I really like the idea. Would love it even more if I could actually be home with them on Tuesday and Thursdays if they get into the school. But Mom says she's going to come live with us and that will provide someone to be with them those two days each week...if I can work that out with their dad...which quite frankly stresses me. I've got some ideas that I think will be absolutely THE BEST for the girls but I worry that he might not see things the way I do. I'm hoping though...and praying.

Oh did I mention I get to have "The Talk" with my eldest soon. This is the year that they give TMI to children in school, so I'd like to go ahead and gross her out in the privacy of our home where she can hurl and spew if she so desires without her peers watching. I hate that my child is 10 and yet will have the info sprung on her, so I think I'll take the sting out the best I can. My 8 year old is begging that I fill her in on everything too. Of course I will...3 years from now...or later if I get them both into the little school I'm hoping to. Maybe they'll let them live in wonder a little longer than public school.

Hmmm...Tuesday is ultrasound day..which reminds me that I TOTALLY need to blog about mammogram day because quite frankly, there are some myths that need to be destroyed. And I, Hill the Myth Destroyer, plan to do it. Besides, mammograms are just downright funny...in a way that gave me temporary high blood pressure. But I'll save that for tomorrow when I'm trying to avoid folding laundry and cleaning my kitchen and writing lesson plans.

Sorry I've been laying low so long. I'm coming to hit your blogs SOOOOON. And I'm SO getting back to FX4. Fun like that should not be skipped.

Until tomorrow.......hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

Prayers, please.

I'm going to talk about a health concern I have tonight. And because some may consider this an awfully public place, I'll just preface with some warnings. Personally, I'm not concerned over who reads it, but...

Warning Number 1: If you really don't want to know TOO much about me, this might not be the post for you.

Warning Number 2: If you don't want to chance a bit of TMI, this post might not be the post for you.

Warning Number 3: If you're among my male friends...or just happen to be a guy who stumbles through my blog, I'm just telling you now that if you read on, it's on your head. It isn't such that you'd say "I can NOT believe she just said that," but different people have different privacy standards. I'm just giving you forewarning.

Two to three months ago, I discovered a little pea-size lump/knot/hard little thingamabob among the lymph nodes of my groin. I went to the doctor and he said it was most likely just a lymph node that had become hard due to fighting some minor infection somewhere. He said for me to watch it and let him know if it became tender, grew or changed in any way, or if any more little pea-size lumps/knots/hard little thingamabobs made an appearance. A few weeks after that I was again in his office, for other reasons, but he examined the little pea again and said that I should just keep watch as before. He said I shouldn't be worried about it. I had been worried before going to get it checked out the first time and felt much relieved when he felt comfortable enough to say it wasn't something to worry about.

This morning, however, as I was getting dressed, I noticed a tender spot in my breast. In the back of my mind I figured it was general tenderness from hormones. A normal part of life. But at the same time that went through my mind, I started to check it out and noticed a lump. It's a very small lump. So I thought at the time, maybe I'm imagining (while really thinking I wasn't) and I went about my day. From time to time I'd try to feel for it. Sometimes I couldn't feel anything. Other times I THOUGHT I could. Finally, earlier this evening I laid down to try to check it out like they do at the doctor's during yearly exams. I could feel the little tender lump.

I freaked out a bit. My heart was pounding and a million possibilities were rushing through my head. I sent text messages and IM's and tried to call four different people. No one was available. Then a few minutes later they all pounced on me. Lots of tears. And at the same time I know it's premature worry. It might be nothing at all. But on the other hand we all know that lumps can be a really bad thing. And you see, the thing is, I have these two little girls who are counting on me to be here until they're 100. I'm under orders. And the thought of NOT being here for them had me really scared. Even the thought that IF it was cancer, having to take treatment would interfere hugely with my job and I have no choice but to work. There IS no alternative. That's where my insurance comes and it's the only way to put food on my children's plates and a roof over their head. All those worries...

It didn't take too long to calm down. And tears are cleansing. I'm feeling very steady right now.

But anyway, I share all of this because I really covet your prayers. When you think of me, would you please say a prayer that this will all be nothing?

Thanks.

Civic Duty

For the first time in the 19 years I've been "qualified," I have been summoned for jury duty. On the whole I don't mind. On the whole.

However, I have a couple little concerns. One is very realistic. The other might be a bit on the ridiculous side. Let's start with ridiculous, shall we?

The thing I'm worried about is if the case is something like murder or rape or something scary. I've always worried about being a juror for something like that. What if the defendent gets my face in his mind and is found guilty and later gets out of prison and comes after jurors for revenge? Scares me. Truly.

The other is financial. Jury duty pays $15 per day. If it's four days or more, they start paying you $30 per day. I hate to break it to them, but if I miss more than this one day tomorrow for jury duty, their $15-$30 will not pay my bills. There's just not a lot of breathing space. I'm keeping on an even keel right now but if I get stuck in a long trial I'm sure I'll feel the repercussions for a while.

And further more, I've got a trip to Sydney coming my way soon. I'll explain that later, but all I can say is that if jury duty makes me dip into the Sydney funds, I'm going to be seriously crushed.

I believe in being responsible...even on the civic level. A community, city, state, country, world won't work if we don't all pitch in together. I get that and I want to do my part. But I'm seriously wondering who's going to pitch in when I can't pay my bills because I'm doing civic duty.

And to end things on an upbeat note (that will seem to contradict my concern, but I'll explain later)...yes you read that right up there, I am SO going to Sydney...later this year. More later.

The Time Has Come, The Time Is Now...

Hillary Balsbaugh, will you please blog now? Ok, a little different than Dr. Suess and Marvin K. Mooney, but I can't get that phrase out of my head....ever. I love Dr. Suess...not in a mushy personal attachment sort of way, but the guy could rhyme! And I like rhyme. I can rhyme too. I think it makes up for my lack of rhythm.

Well, in my last oh-so-chipper blog, I alluded to some big stuff I've been thinking about blogging about. And I guess I'll give it a bit of a go.

On January 26th or 27th I went to an open house for a private Christian school we're interested in sending Megan to next year. It is like IMPOSSIBLE, but we're trying to put a bunch of puzzle pieces together to see if it can happen. Middle school in and of itself, whether private or public, presents a huge challenge for me. You all know I'm a single mom. And therein lies the complication. Our household = 1 adult, 2 kids. I report for work at 7:15. Right now the girls are in elementary and go to school where I teach so there are no complications. NEXT year Megan starts middle school (6th grade). Here in our school district, schools do not all start at the same time. MOST elementaries start at 7:15 like we do. MOST middle schools start at 9 or 9:15 (not sure exactly). That presents a problem. How do I get my child to school 2 hours after I report for work? I canNOT see sending an 11 year old to day care of a morning. Nor can I afford to do something like that. Some of those schools have before care, but I'm not sure they start early enough for me to get to school. And again, it's another bill to pay. Not room for more bills in my budget.

This private school I checked out is AWESOME. Love the curriculum. Love the atmosphere. Love the philosophies. Love it all. And it's across the street from the elementary school where I teach. Problems? Well there's the cost first. We're trying to get a government grant...which is possible because Florida has the voucher system where you can get X amount of dollars to pay for private if you so choose. We'll see. Then there's the fact that they don't start until 9. That's still almost two hours after I start work. Will my principal allow my child to be on campus with me until she needs to cross to the other school? Not sure. Not sure at all. Scared to even ask right now. ::sigh:: Then here's a hum dinger of a detail. The private school is THREE DAYS A WEEK. And gives two days of work at home. No night time homework, but two days of "school" to do at home, Tues. and Thurs. Ummm, probably don't have to outline the problem, huh? Well, the girls' dad says that his wife is trying to get a job there to help get a discount AND that if she does Meg could probably hang out with her on Tues and Thurs. I can't begin to say how badly I do NOT want that to happen. I don't want my daughter's early adolescent years to be a big bonding bonanza with her step-mom. *I* want that. I'm really sick of sharing my kids.

And at the same time, I see what a spectacular thing it could be for Meg to go to this school. I toured and saw the classes. It has Megan written all over it. (For a lot of reasons I won't bother going into because that's a WHOLE lot of typing.) To be honest, I'd love for BOTH girls to be there. But not with circumstances as they are.

So that all got me to thinking. And quite frankly I got rather disgusted with myself. For years I've talked about how I'm kind of stuck in teaching. I'm not enjoying it. I'm fed up with all the paper work and red tape and developmentally inappropriate standards. And I've wished for so long to be a stay-at-home mom and maybe even home school my girls...so they can still have the childhood that public schools wants to take away from them.

But I cling to "I'm stuck." I say there's nothing else I could do and make enough money, benefits, etc. to take care of my family. And obviously for the situation I'm looking at, taking another position somewhere else won't make me able to keep my daughter two days a week and get her to school at the right time without daycare or "before-care."

But I finally thought, What's my problem? Why do I cling to the "boo hoo I'm stuck" philosophy? I know I may be crazy considering the economy...which granted, is very scary right now. But I want so badly to defy my personality and my unambitious self and DO SOMETHING...FIND SOMETHING...to make being home for my girls a possibility...to make this 3/2 school day schedule possible. I just don't know where to start. And two weeks have passed and I haven't done anything. But I've GOT to try something. I've got to quit sitting back, unhappy with what I do for a living. My only alternative though has to be something I can do from home and you all know about how plentiful REAL careers from home can be. And by "REAL" I mean a means of bringing in enough income to pay the bills, medical insurance, etc.

What do you all think? Is there anything out there? Am I crazy to think I might find something else? I want to. I want to take life by the horns and quit feeling like I'm helpless about everything. "Stuck renting." "Stuck in my job." "Stuck in Florida." Do you sense a pattern here? I'm more than this. I KNOW I am. I'm not a victim. And I don't want to live like one.

There were days when I was a victim of abuse. But I didn't live like I was. I didn't take that mentality. I mean...I REALIZED, but I didn't pull it around me like a cloak, so to speak. And yet, all these years later, I act like I'm a victim of life. It's not right. And I want to make a change. I just have to find out where to start.