Hmmmm...

I don't have a set plan for this blog entry. Well, I take that back. I have several ideas floating around in this wee brain of mine. There's those dancers I mentioned a couple entries (and a couple months) back. There's all that's going on in life right now (but I guess I could stretch some of that out for coming entries.) And there was last night.

This will be small beans to most but I was laughing myself silly last night. All day yesterday, Allison begged EVERYONE to play school with her. Now...I'm a teacher. I've almost always been in school...well 3/4 of my life anyway...so "playing school" didn't overly excite me, but my goodness the little girl's heart was set on it. But we were busy cleaning all day so I had made her wait...hours. There were almost tears over the wait, but she pulled through, lol. Finally, supper was cleared away. (Yes I said "supper" despite the fact that most people go "huh?" when they hear the word. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!) And Mom and I agreed to be Allison's pupils. Meg wasn't going for it.

Now, school isn't generally a hysterical event...although with five-year-olds and a VERY sarcastic colleague, it can have some hilarious moments. But last night there was a lot of laughter.

There were different sources of the giggles. There was the fact that I refused to obey, threw paper wads at "the teacher", tattled on my classmates for touching my chair, touching me, sucking on their glue sticks, and I begged to go to the nurse for an ice pack for a sore spot on the side of my tongue. My teacher gave me a month's detention...in the corner.

Then there were the stories about shiny nuts that were just plain funny. I'm sorry, but they were. Mom and I were laughing like nuts ourselves.

But the REAL fun was when Allison told us all our names. She was the teacher and her name was Mrs. Nutbag, who I occasionally "slipped" and called "Mrs. Bag-o-nuts." Mom's name was "Bobbie Ann Woody." I was "Jessica Bumbag." All these names from my little princess, Alli.

Today over ice cream, I asked Alli what Meg's name is. She is henceforth, "Sarah Stinkbomb."

Oh! And later this week, my brother is coming to visit. So we asked Alli what his name should be. She thought really hard for just a couple seconds before declaring that he is "Junk-in-the-Trunk O'Reilly." We'll call him Uncle Junk for short.

Dancers, life, and a tiny puppy who is cuddlier than anything I've ever seen will be coming soon....

Soooooo.....

It's been a month since I said I was on my way back to blogland. I MISS you guys and reading your blogs and have no one to blame but myself. I must take some time and read read read at your sites and get back in the loop!

SO SO SO much seems to have been happening in my life and I need to blog about it...but not this late at night. Ok, 10:30 is not all that late for me, but tonight I'm particularly tired. But I felt the need to take the step and get back in here and write!

I really need to share about the dancers I mentioned last time. And about my baby girl puppy. And about my mom coming to live with us. And about the girls schooling next year. And about the battle I was expecting when I last blogged. And about...oh I don't know, maybe my chiropractor, lol. I swear his office is my happy place.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow......

Hill

Preparing for War

I'm gearing up, digging in.  I've got to do battle...or rather stand my ground (which can feel like a battle).  I'm going to share sooooon.  Tonight I need sleep.

So much getting ready to happen.

Oh...and I've got to talk about some dancers I've been seeing.  (No, I don't mean dating, just normal seeing.)  I see them and automatically think, "BLOG!"

Oh Oh Oh!!  I also got some testing scores back.  Details at ten...or sometime.

I'm coming back to blogland.  Brace yourselves.

I'm Alive.

Catchy title, eh?

Well, I feel like I haven't been here in forever. But then to me, the last two weeks have been about a year long and held enough stressers to spread over a couple years, too. So I've wasted time on facebook and leaving an impression in the sofa.

I'm not going to write about all the things going through my head these past couple weeks. There've beeen scathing reviews at work that were crushing. There've been medical visits...going to a surgeon this Wednesday for a consult...lump number two appeared this week. And there are issues to be settled about Megan's schooling that stir up a number of decisions I've pondered nearly forever and haven't wanted to undertake. I'm feeling incredibly tempted now...and confused...and scared.... So I'm praying and I'm waiting and I'm agonizing. So many questions...with answers that only time will tell, really. So I'm praying for God's wisdom.

And that's just some of the stuff. The other stuff I don't even want to write here. I don't want anyone to see inside my foolish head and heart to see the things that break it. But broken it is. Not beyond repair...but the break still hurts.

I'm on Day 2 of an 11-day Spring Break. I can't begin to say how glad I am to be on break. There is plenty to get accomplished so it won't be all rest and play (unless I follow my usual unproductive pattern, but I've got a friend egging me on so I'm sure I'll get to some projects, lol.) But to be out of the school is sooooo good. I struggle with teaching as it is. It's the only profession that I really wanted to undertake, but the problem is that I don't really want a profession. I want to be a wife and mommy and make my family feel loved and cared for. That's my big ambition. Not a bit of career woman in me. But I work. I work to feed my kids and provide health insurance, keep roof over our heads....all of it. And I try to do my best. But this year my best didn't measure up. And the scathing review I got was crushing. It hurt. And now I don't even want to be there.

The past two weeks have held hurts that are just more than I want to deal with. I want to wake up tomorrow and find out that it was all a bad dream and that I have my act together. And my life is something different than what it is. And even THAT makes me struggle. Where is my contentment? What room do I have to complain? I have blessings beyond what I deserve. There are people out there with much worse. But my struggle is there.

And THIS is why I haven't blogged a lot lately. Seems I just blog the blues and that's not who I am. But that's WHERE I am right now. I'm hoping I'm on the upswing though. I'll think of some funnies to share soon and we'll have some happy blogs.

See you all 'round. (I'm coming to catch up on your blogs SOON.)

Top O' the Marnin' to Ye, Lassie!

Happy St. Patty's Day to all and to all a good night...or something like that.

I'm not the biggest St. Pat's fan alive. I have a real aversion for pinching (let's not go into THAT childhood memory, k?) and so I am always on a mission to splatter green on every forgetful soul to spare them the pinch that would otherwise come.

But today we had us some goooood fun in kindergarten. My neighboring teacher told the kids how every year a leprechaun comes and messes up her classroom. I told my kids he had never found my room yet. Then while they were at lunch, I overturned chairs, threw papers up in the air, rolled approximately a zillion glue sticks across the floor, and dumped rubber bugs all over the tables, etc., etc., ending with a litte note from the leprechaun.

The kids went berserk! They were SO loud, going on and on about the crazy leprechaun (with the occasional coming grinning to me to ask if I'd really done it.) I wouldn't fess up. After we pitched in and cleaned we headed out to the soccer field behind the school to see if we could find the leprechaun. But first we glued some gold glitter on our hands to try to tempt him out of hiding. We ran all over the place, following footprints the kids claimed to see and yelling, "GET HIM!!!!!" It was hilarious good fun. At one point we plopped down in a patch of clover and hunted some more. A few seconds into the clover a little girl pulled out a little army man and yelled, "THE LEPRECHAUN!!!" lol

They were so much fun.

Here are just a couple pics of all the naughtiness the leprechaun caused..and a bit of our glittery bait.

Not "Blogging" per se...just an update to my gals...

Hi girls...this isn't really bloggy, but wanted to let you all know that I had the ultrasound today and they said that I have a cyst, but that it's normal and may grow or shrink with hormone levels but is not a concern at all.

Thanks for all your support while I was waiting between doctors visits, "the mamm," and the ultrasound. :)

Destroying the Myth

'Tis I, Hill the MythBuster! (I thought I'd go a little 80s on ya and go with "buster" instead of "destroyer," because it sooooooooooooo matters.

Men...if there are any of you out there...this one probably isn't one for you. If you proceed, it's your own fault. I'm going a bit TMI again, because mainly my friends read here and y'all need to be unscaredy-cat of mammograms if you've never had one. So really, guys, I'd appreciate if you'd just skip over this one. K?

Today I'm going to share my experience of "the mammogram" with y'all, because, quite frankly, the unknown freaked me out unnecessarily. So now, without further adieu...

I was nervous about the mammogram. I've never heard much beyond negatives and no one had ever told me much about what goes on...at least not enough to have an accurate picture so there was an unknown. For example I had this idea they smashed your boob against your chest. I worried about a fractured rib. lol Ok, probably not so much but I know that even when I do a self check I feel every rib...and that's at the fullest portion. (And I DO use "fullest" a bit freely) I was nervous although making myself just chill.

However, I sat in the tiny changing room with nothing but a full length mirror to look at (while sporting such a snazzy "hospital" cape. Yep, CAPE, not gown, so they can flip that baby out of the way. I nearly felt like a superhero. A superhero facing her kryptonite, but a superhero none the less.) and I noticed my face was really red. I rarely get much color in my face. Not that I'm a ghost (BOO!), but I just don't get too rosy. I was pretty red. Two days before I'd been at the doc and my blood pressure was 119 over 90-something. The 90-something was not good. My bottom number is ALWAYS in the 60s so obviously there was some real stress happening. I figured as I watched my flushed face that my blood pressure was up again. Although, the day in between appointments I got it checked and it was back down to 119/65. That's about my norm. So I know it's circumstantial.

Anyway. They told me that if you feel a lump, they automatically send you to get a mammogram AND an ultrasound. My script was just for a mammogram. So they said that I'd get the results from the mammogram by the following Wed. and I should call my doc, ask if he had the results, and tell him I need the script for an ultrasound. It's automatic BUT you have to have written doctor's orders. She (the mammo-girl) told me my results would say I needed an ultrasound and not to freak out, because it was standard protocol since I'd felt a lump.

As for the mammogram itself, for those of you who are dreading getting your first someday... It was not painful at all for me. It was a tad uncomfortable...plenty of pressure...but they add the pressure gradually until it's to the appropriate compression, then you hold your breath and hold still while they duck for cover from the radiation, I guess, and they snap the photo. I THINK it's actually a porn lab, but we won't tell them until they do the ultrasound.

In my mind it was supposed to be pretty painful and something that happened fast and hard, but it was not that way at all. All-in-all I'd describe it as pretty gentle. Firm, absolutely, but it was gentle and not like some awful attack, lol. So if you haven't had one yet, don't go in with your blood pressure soaring over the unknown. Just be weirded out that you're going to put your boob on a table and let them start squeezing it like an orange they're trying to juice with a vice...from top to bottom and then again from both sides. That's just not right. Necessary maybe, but not right.

After I left the place I went home, cleaned out my car, including vacuuming for the first time in months (literally)...and that was a big job. You'd be appalled at my car if you ever saw it. And then I went and took almost all the toys out of Megan and Alli's room (they're sharing one now to make room for my mom who is coming to live with us) and then I took apart Megan's bed and moved it, put it back together and moved other furniture. I haven't done that much work on one day in months. And I went to the store! lol Apparently the blood pressure and relief from boob anxiety makes a bit of a housekeeper out of me. There is hope!

Now see? Does that sound all that bad? lol I'd been led to believe it felt like an automatic garage door shutting on you. In comparison it was really quite a treat. ;)

So what are you waiting for? Go get yours today! lol